LONG TIME, NO POST!!!

Well, I have decided to continue recording about the (mis)adventures of being a mother. If not for anyone else, then for myself!

What can I say about my son, he is 20 months and wonderful. Funny, cute, sweet, spoiled, bratty, loves to throw fits, loves to give hugs and kisses, and is the most amazing thing that ever could have happened to me!

The wonderful thing about kids, the good so often outweighs the bad. My son isn't so keen about not getting his way...we are working on it. He'd rather eat cookies than anything I ever make him for dinner---yeah right buddie!! And he'd rather stay up for Backyardigans than go to bed, but a mama's gotta do, what a mama's gotta do.

He is such a love. There is nothing like seeing that cutie RUNNING towards me when I pull up to the sitters every afternoon...it just melts my heart. Is there anything better in life??

One Simple Thing

Today when I walked into the sitters to pick up my son, it was business as usual. She handed him to me, her and I talked while he was patiently waiting for me to finish, but then he looked at me....laid his head on my chest...and hugged/snuggled me for a good 1-2 minutes. It was so tender and sweet. It is amazing to me that such a simple moment can make my crappy day perfect! I love him and all of the happiness he brings into my life. <3>

Runaway Stroller

Today was like many May days in Syracuse, sunny but cold & windy. Since it was too cold to go outside, we decided to go for a nice walk around the mall. My husband takes out the stroller and I throw my purse into the bottom. As my husband reaches in to get the baby out of the car and I reach into the car to get the diaper bag, we see our stroller shooting across the parkinglot at 15 miles per hour! No joke, it had to be at least that fast. Since my husband had the baby, I am now chasing the stroller across the entire parking lot! This doesn't sound too bad except that it was a HUGE parking lot and the wind kept blowing it faster and further away! On top of that, I am laughing so hard I can barely run!!! Finally, the stroller hits curb and flips into the air collapsing upside down. I just about lost it lauging so hard!! I look back and see my husband practically in tears laughing so hard!! Ahhhhh.....sometimes life gives you these rediculous moments of hilarity to remind you to laugh in life. :)

Where is my cuddle bear?

I don't know what is going on with my son the past few days, but it is almost as if he could care less about his mama! He usually is snugglie and kissey and sweet, and lately he has been pushing me away and had a bit of an attitude. The first day I chalked it up to the fact that maybe he isn't getting enough of a nap at the sitters, but it has been almost an entire week of this!! I miss my sweet little man who lives to love his mama!

BooBoos

Funny Story of the Day:

How many of you have seen the Bandaid commercial where the little boy or girl gets hurt, and the mother kisses the booboo of the crying kid causing the kid to instantly stop crying? That is a mother's job right! Well, I always snuggle my son when he gets hurt...little or big...my husband often says I am going to turn him into a "wuss". (I hate when men assume that a little one needs to soothe themselves because they are afraid of them turning into wusses...he is a year old! He isn't supposed to be a tough guy!)

Anyway, today I am about to hop in the shower when I hear my son start crying REALLY hard. I run out of the bathroom, naturally, to see what has happened. Apparently he had hit his head on the door...so I reach for him (husband had picked him up at this point) and my husband says "I got it covered! You always get the hurt snuggles" Keep in mind the baby is reaching for me and crying because being cured by mommy is the routine. So I respond with "Just give him to me, he's reaching for me." Needless to say, an arguement actually developed out of this!

It wasn't a big arguement, but still. Doesn't this man realize that my heart physically hurts when he cries! So, we go from me babying him to hogging the snuggles?? MEN! lol

Back to Work

Well, I am back to work after a wonderful week with my son. I had a really hard time with it last night, but I am doing much better with it now that I am here. I just keep telling myself....9 weeks until summer and I can be with him for 10 weeks straight! Thank you for all of the support that I received. I really appreciate it!

Longing to stay home...

Well, this is a little out of order time wise...I was going to try to work my way up to now (13 mos.), but I just needed to vent a little bit. As I mentioned in my profile, I am a high school Enlgish teacher. Let me just say, I LOVE my job. I have the best co-workers and wonderful students. I know that I am lucky because I really do enjoy myself every day. That is one of the joys of working with kids I guess, is that they keep it fun and interesting! Well, that being said, as much as I love my job, I am finding it harder and harder to leave him. I hate knowing that he has this whole other life that doesn't involve me. (At the sitters.)

I am on Spring Break this week, and it has really got me thinking. Does he hug her this many times a day? Not because I am jealous, I just want to know he is getting all of the affection that he needs/deserves. Does he always smile and laugh this often? And why, WHY do I have to miss it? What does he think when I leave him every day?? He can't possibly understand at his age that I have no choice...does he take it personal?? I have the most wonderful sitter, and she really seems to love him, but as I watch him napping on the video monitor, I am typing this in tears because I want to know WHY I can't be one of this women who get to stay home with her kids. Call me old fashioned, but when I am home with him over breaks, I really feel like this is where I am supposed to be! Unfortunately, it isn't an option for me....Unless my husband miraculously starts making $50,000 more than he makes now. :-)

I know that if a mother HAS to work, I have one of the best jobs for it. I am off all summer and frequently throughout the year, but that still doesn't change the fact that I have to pay someone $600 a month to do the one thing I WANT to do. I guess I am just feeling a little sorry for myself right now, but how could I not....I try to be one of those people who puts humor into all of her stresses in life, but I am having a tough time doing that today.

The First Month

I have two words for you: SPINAL TAP. Thank God Brian never needed one, but when I left the hospital I was told that if his fever went above 100.4 before 3 months, they would have to do a spinal tap. (He struggled with regulating his own temp and blood sugar, which is what landed him in the NICU for 6 days.) This sent me into a world wind of panic. I wanted everyone to come and see my beautiful son, but I didn't want anyone to come too close to him. I didn't want to chance him getting sick! Understandably, not too many people were keen on just coming over to SEE him, they all wanted to hold him, kiss him, snuggle him...heck, my mother-in-law kept kissing his hands that he always stuck in his mouth..HELLO, DID YOU MISS THE WHOLE I DON'T WANT HIM SICK PART?!?! Poor woman, it was her first grandchild and she just wanted to love on him, not her fault her daughter-in-law is a freak of nature.

For the first 3 weeks of his life, I slept with him in his popazan chair While I slept on the couch with the light on. I needed to do this so that I could open my eyes and see him at any moment. (Like I said, freak of nature.) It was March, and a cold March at that, so this was the only way that I was comfortable covering him up...the chair put him at an angle, so if I covered him up and put his arms over the blanket he was safe right? (I wasn't sure, hence the light being on.) After about 3 weeks my husband got sick of being the only one in a California King size bed that was clearly built for two...so baby and I ventured into the bedroom...

It was also in this first month that he became colicy. I had never heard of colic...my mother asked me if he was and I responded with "Isn't that some kind of spice?" I learned very quickly, that it is not. At about 5 pm he would begin crying hard and non-stop for about 4-6 hours. My husband and I took turns, but the poor guy worked all day and I was still on maternity leave. I went through all the typical stresses....am I not a good mother? Is he in pain? Is he sad? Why is he crying so much!?!? I just want to enjoy him, but instead he cried fot 5 hours on end.....and so did I.....

THE LOVE IS TERRIFYING!

I had pushing for almost four hours...fighting the good fight...determined to get this kid out. Then it happened. She held him up and all that I could think was how long and beautiful he looked. Then they brought him to the little table and told me he was having trouble breathing. That is when the fear really started. Well, I guess the fear really started during pregnancy, but this is the real fear...the fear that has a face. I was in love with him instantly, therefor terrified instantly.

I was so scared the six days he was in the NICU...is he eating enough, is he being held enough, does he feel loved enough, did that IV hurt to put in, does it hurt now?? Then they finally let me bring this amazing child home...and the fear continued. Is he warm enough, eating enough, being changed enough? Please don't let him stop breathing in his sleep! Should I get him a blanket?? It is March you know! Does his circumcision still hurt? Is he burping enough? Do any of the 30 people that have come to see him have ANY kind of cold or sickness? Did they Purell their hands?

So, this blog is for all the high anxiety mothers trying to live in a laid back world! I want you to know...you are not alone!