Friday, April 17, 2009

Longing to stay home...

Well, this is a little out of order time wise...I was going to try to work my way up to now (13 mos.), but I just needed to vent a little bit. As I mentioned in my profile, I am a high school Enlgish teacher. Let me just say, I LOVE my job. I have the best co-workers and wonderful students. I know that I am lucky because I really do enjoy myself every day. That is one of the joys of working with kids I guess, is that they keep it fun and interesting! Well, that being said, as much as I love my job, I am finding it harder and harder to leave him. I hate knowing that he has this whole other life that doesn't involve me. (At the sitters.)

I am on Spring Break this week, and it has really got me thinking. Does he hug her this many times a day? Not because I am jealous, I just want to know he is getting all of the affection that he needs/deserves. Does he always smile and laugh this often? And why, WHY do I have to miss it? What does he think when I leave him every day?? He can't possibly understand at his age that I have no choice...does he take it personal?? I have the most wonderful sitter, and she really seems to love him, but as I watch him napping on the video monitor, I am typing this in tears because I want to know WHY I can't be one of this women who get to stay home with her kids. Call me old fashioned, but when I am home with him over breaks, I really feel like this is where I am supposed to be! Unfortunately, it isn't an option for me....Unless my husband miraculously starts making $50,000 more than he makes now. :-)

I know that if a mother HAS to work, I have one of the best jobs for it. I am off all summer and frequently throughout the year, but that still doesn't change the fact that I have to pay someone $600 a month to do the one thing I WANT to do. I guess I am just feeling a little sorry for myself right now, but how could I not....I try to be one of those people who puts humor into all of her stresses in life, but I am having a tough time doing that today.

1 comment:

  1. I feel your pain. The positive side is that YOU DO have the best job for this. I work in advertising and see my daughter only on the weekends.:( I guess my only advice is that when you are with him make every second count and believe that him being with other people is not bad for him. He will grow up well rounded. You will always be his mother, he will never love anyone more than you.