Well, this is a little out of order time wise...I was going to try to work my way up to now (13 mos.), but I just needed to vent a little bit. As I mentioned in my profile, I am a high school Enlgish teacher. Let me just say, I LOVE my job. I have the best co-workers and wonderful students. I know that I am lucky because I really do enjoy myself every day. That is one of the joys of working with kids I guess, is that they keep it fun and interesting! Well, that being said, as much as I love my job, I am finding it harder and harder to leave him. I hate knowing that he has this whole other life that doesn't involve me. (At the sitters.)
I am on Spring Break this week, and it has really got me thinking. Does he hug her this many times a day? Not because I am jealous, I just want to know he is getting all of the affection that he needs/deserves. Does he always smile and laugh this often? And why, WHY do I have to miss it? What does he think when I leave him every day?? He can't possibly understand at his age that I have no choice...does he take it personal?? I have the most wonderful sitter, and she really seems to love him, but as I watch him napping on the video monitor, I am typing this in tears because I want to know WHY I can't be one of this women who get to stay home with her kids. Call me old fashioned, but when I am home with him over breaks, I really feel like this is where I am supposed to be! Unfortunately, it isn't an option for me....Unless my husband miraculously starts making $50,000 more than he makes now. :-)
I know that if a mother HAS to work, I have one of the best jobs for it. I am off all summer and frequently throughout the year, but that still doesn't change the fact that I have to pay someone $600 a month to do the one thing I WANT to do. I guess I am just feeling a little sorry for myself right now, but how could I not....I try to be one of those people who puts humor into all of her stresses in life, but I am having a tough time doing that today.