I had pushing for almost four hours...fighting the good fight...determined to get this kid out. Then it happened. She held him up and all that I could think was how long and beautiful he looked. Then they brought him to the little table and told me he was having trouble breathing. That is when the fear really started. Well, I guess the fear really started during pregnancy, but this is the real fear...the fear that has a face. I was in love with him instantly, therefor terrified instantly.
I was so scared the six days he was in the NICU...is he eating enough, is he being held enough, does he feel loved enough, did that IV hurt to put in, does it hurt now?? Then they finally let me bring this amazing child home...and the fear continued. Is he warm enough, eating enough, being changed enough? Please don't let him stop breathing in his sleep! Should I get him a blanket?? It is March you know! Does his circumcision still hurt? Is he burping enough? Do any of the 30 people that have come to see him have ANY kind of cold or sickness? Did they Purell their hands?
So, this blog is for all the high anxiety mothers trying to live in a laid back world! I want you to know...you are not alone!